better together

The weekend was bittersweet. Our last together as a family for a while.

We made it count. In between packing his bags, Jason got lots of play time in with the kids--and helped me too. While I made dinner, he helped with dessert.

James insisted that we eat at the Pooh bear table with him.

This morning was a hard one. We got up early to say our farewells before he reported in. After staying up late last night, we were all dragging a bit. Jason was running on nerves and adrenaline. When James walked out of his room and saw Daddy in his ACUs carrying his rucksack, he said, "Where you going, Daddy?" My heart broke. I tried to be upbeat as Jason and I explained that Daddy's going away to soldier school for a while. James took it surprisingly well only asking "Then you'll come back to our house?" and was reassured when Daddy said, "Yes, I'll be back before you know it".

I sat on the couch with a boy in each arm while Jason packed the car with his things and my heart sank a little. I hugged and kissed him hard and watched through the picture window as his car disappeared down the road.

The boys have been a little testy, but no more than usual. I have that familiar, heavy feeling at the pit of my stomach that comes with saying goodbye, but I'm okay. Being on my own used to mean fear, anxiety, loneliness. Anticipating what can go wrong that I won't be able to handle. After four years, I have already had it go wrong and have already handled it. I'm comforted by the fact that it's only a few months that he'll be gone this time and that he's safe and close by. I'm not anticipating weekends or a family day, but it'll be a nice surprise if we get any. I know that this time apart is worth it to better his career and it means better things for our family. All there is, is missing my husband now and taking care of my boys as they miss their daddy.